Ass Kickin' Query (as in my ass, getting kicked)

If youread this in the back of a book, would you buy it?


He attacks. He springs upon his victims with hatred and blind fury, slashing their bodies and shredding the peace of The City Too Busy to Hate. He kills. With no evidence left behind, four Atlanta families have fallen in his wake, and he is not finished.

Fifteen years have passed since the day Jacob Santos opened his eyes and found his mother brutally murdered. For years he has been tormented by an unattainable desire for revenge. Unattainable, until now. Following a murder in a downtown Atlanta neighborhood, a murder that mirrors his mother’s, Jacob receives a message:

“Got another for you.”

It is an invitation from the man Jacob has spent his entire adult life envisioning killing; a provocation to come out and play a deadly game of cat and mouse. And Jacob does just that. The only help the self-proclaimed investigator receives comes from an unorthodox source; the ghost of a childhood friend that haunts both him and the killer alike. Hidden behind the specter’s cryptic messages lays the true link between the hunter and the hunted, and the only means to decipher which is which.

However, unveiling the secret might come at too high a price for the lone investigator’s fragile mind, since the killer he so desperately seeks has never been further than a mere glimpse in the mirror. Now Jacob must find a way to mend his fractured psyche, before the police catch up to him, before another family is slaughtered, before his mind and his soul are lost forever. He cannot fail. Doing so will turn him from the best hope to stop the killings, and into the catalyst of an unprecedented murderous rampage.

Thanks,

If you have a query you need an opnion on, let me know. I can be very opnionated. My wife tells me so all the time.

Public Query Slushpile

So, I have given this query writing business yet another stab. i think this makes four. If I was to take this many stabs at anything else, I'd probably end up arrested. I posted it on the "Public Query Slushpile" blog. Its a neat concept created by writer, for writers.

You should definitely go check it out. Not just my query, but the others that are there. Some are good, some really need help. You decide which is which, and hey, you just might pick up a think or two. You never know.

Let me know what you think. Ciao, for now, kiddies.

It's Peanutbutter QUERY time: Again!

Thank you all for your time and invaluable feedback. If anybody happens to come by the Atlanta area, let me know. I'll buy you a beer, or ten. I mean it. I am a man of my word. Here is my second version of my possible query letter. If you don't mind my asking, let me know how it can be honest. Go ahead, rip it. And Matt, yes, you can be meaner! ;)


Dear Stellar Agent of superb and unquestionable taste:

I am seeking representation for my novel entitled MEND.

He attacks. He springs upon his victims with hatred and blind fury, slashing their bodies and shredding the peace of the city too busy to remember. He kills. With no evidence left behind, four families have fallen in his wake, and he is not finished. Only now there are two very different men, with two very different motives, hoping to bring an end to the worst killer Atlanta has seen in decades.

The first is Lieutenant Nate Barker. Intelligent and methodical, Barker must solve the case of his career while battling a skeleton that refuses to stay in the closet. The other is Jacob Santos. A man obsessed by the messages the killer sends him after he strikes and haunted by the inscriptions left for him at each crime scene.

Each step Jacob and Barker take bring them closer to unveiling the secret that links them to the killer, and to the dark chasm that lies in its revelation.


MEND is a Crime Fiction novel, complete at 70,000 words.


Respectfully,

J.m. Diaz

It's Peanutbutter QUERY time!

That's right.. that's right, lets dance, lets... ah, crap. I don't know that song. I have no clue how the lyrics, or even the beat goes. I heard my son singing it once, and that lead into a 30 minute session of "WTH?"
Anyway, take out your red pens kiddies, here is your chance to take as many cheap shots at me as you'd like. I'm posting my query letter for you all to criticize the bejesus out of it. So go ahead, please, lemme have it!


Dear Stellar Agent of superb and unquestionable taste:
My name is J.m. Diaz and I am seeking representation for my first novel entitled “Mend”.

GOT ANOTHER FOR YOU.

It was just a simple text message that marked the beginning of the end to Jacob Santos’ life. Like a cockroach running from the light, his legs sprung into action before his brain knew where they were talking him: Toward the worst serial killer Atlanta had seen in recent history.

Entire families are being slaughtered by a murderer that leaves little to no evidence behind, and he has chosen one person to be his captor. Jacob Santos. A man with an inexplicable compulsion to decipher the killer’s messages. While feeling responsible for the lives the killer has and will take, Jacob finds his obsession further fueled by the macabre inscriptions left for him at each of the crime scenes. The handwriting that inked the bloody messages echo from Jacob’s past, rustling memories of a boy he saw buried over fifteen years ago. Each step Jacob takes brings him closer to unveiling the secret that links him to the killer, and to the dark chasm that lies in its revelation.

Unbeknownst to Jacob, Lieutenant Nate Barker of Fulton County Criminal Investigations Division is assigned to the Atlanta slasher killings. With nothing but his analytical mind, a prescription drug addiction and a rookie partner, he too must find this killer, while attempting to keep the reins on his disintegrating marriage. Walking a tight rope between duty and family, Lieutenant Barker has a gnawing feeling that the killings go deeper than just ritualistic serial murder. After four families have been slaughtered inside of six weeks, Detective Barker is racing against time to find this killer, before his or another family is lost, along with his last shred of purpose, his faith or his life.

Mend is a 70,000 word, completed novel.

Thank you for your time and all that Jazz. Please let me know where you think I can improve this.

Thank you all.

JD

Darth Query: How did this work?

Seeing some of the stories that have become American classics, I got to thinking (yes, it DOES happen) what the queries must have looked like. Here is the best my [currently] inebriated brain could come up with. It needs no introduction, but perhaps only a little Query Shark help:

When Luke, a young farmer on the planet Tatooine, receives a message from a droid he recently acquired, he is thrust in the middle of an intergalactic war that has been waging for generations. With a guidance of an old hermit, strong in a force called, the force, Luke embarks in an adventure that will take him from the desolate deserts of his home world, to the desolate nomad spaceships of the interstellar rebellion. In a battle for the freedom of the oppressed people of the empire, Luke must battle an evil dark lord for the salvation of the known galaxy. Darth Vader, the dark lord of the evil galactic empire, maintains a tight grip and control of the multiple planetary systems in his realm, extending his fiendish rule over land and space.

In Han Solo, an intergalactic smuggler, Luke finds an unlikely ally in his fight against the tyrannical forces of Darth Vader and the empire. Together, with Obi-wan, the mystical hermit, they must find a way to destroy the ultimate weapon of submission. The Death Star. A moon size base that wobbles at less than impressive speeds toward unsuspecting planets and possesses enough firepower to destroy an entire world with a scientifically improbable death ray. In his journey Luke forges alliances that can help him become the new master of the unequivocally named “force” or perish in his attempt to destroy the forces of evil. Filled with teenage angst and a hint of incest, Star Wars is a 175,000 words, complete science fiction novel, ready to be submitted for your review.

Thank you, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Jorge Lucas