8.27.2010

The week in WTF News

8.27.2010
- 500 Million Eggs Tainted With Salmonella
Here’s the skinny: A bunch of chickens were fed rat-crapped-on food that made them [the chickens] produce salmonella’ed eggs. I know 500 million sounds like a lot, but when compared to the 80 billion eggs the US produces every year, it does put things in perspective. It’s like you have a better chance of being sodomized on a bus than to get one of the contaminated eggs. I’m just sayin’. But you should stop eating runny eggs. Not only is it gross, but now, potentially dangerous.

- 56 Pound Tumor Removed
Here’s the skinny: An Argentine woman went in to have a lump the size of an orange removed, but Doctors ended up finding a 56 pound tumor stashed inside there, instead. So, here’s my thing, how fat was this woman, or how blind were these doctors to miss a 56 lbs tumor? I mean, I know that it would’ve been easier to detect if we had some kind of “magnetic resonance imaging” device, or a something like a “Computer Tomography scan” appliance, or something… oh, wait. The best part, however, was their answer: “Well, it’s not the biggest tumor we found”. I can’t, I just…. I’m moving on.

- Katrina’s anniversary
Here’s the skinny: Really? Are we celebrating a hurricane? I know it was bad. I really do, but let’s not make an event out of everything. Next thing you know, we will be “remembering” the day that traffic wasn’t so bad. I know a lot of you have those “We will always remember” bumper stickers, and for those of you, I ask you this: Can you remember the Pythagorean Theorem, and a common application for it? Yeah, try remembering stuff like that next time. It’s NOT about remembering as much as it is about learning the lessons.

- Glenn Beck at the Lincoln Memorial
Here’s the skinny: Glenn Beck is planning some major rally at the Lincoln Memorial on the anniversary of the “I have a Dream” speech by Dr. King. He claims it will be a revival of the civil rights movement. And here’s my thing: WTF??? Why are we still paying attention to this ass-clown. Why doesn’t his show get cancelled and his books used as foot-stools in bookstores? MLK’s ideals are a polar opposite to what this douche is preaching. People like him and the other “unmentionable gal” are giving republicans a bad rep (and I’m not a republican). I know he is claiming that it’s not a “political thing,” and that just makes me feel inclined to throw back a shot, and call “Bullshit”.

7 comments:

Holly Ruggiero, Southpaw
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Holly Ruggiero, Southpaw

Wouldn't it bite to be in the percentage of the unlucky salmonella-egg consuming group?

coffeelvnmom

Oh my goodness. Who needs the news, when we have you? ;)

Alicia J. Frey
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Alicia J. Frey

Glenn Beck is a parody of himself. And maybe instead of celebrating Katrina, we could, I dunno, maybe, celebrate a rebuild or getting people in homes and out of a giant strainer. This world was not designed for Idealists.

Crimey

You put the news so eloquently. :)

"Next thing you know, we will be “remembering” the day that traffic wasn’t so bad." Amen.

Amber Tidd Murphy

I love your news segment. So informative, so snarky. I wrote about the egg recall on examiner.com and it was by FAR my most read article.

People love to read about bad eggs.

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